Saturday, December 11, 2004

Year In Review

So what had happened in 2004? This year seemed so long, in the sense that so much things seemed to have happened. For the 1st half of the yr, I has suffering at Caribbean, working for Hart Engr. I still recall my disappointment on the first day of work when they assigned me to go site. I remember thinking to myself that I could not possibly endure 6 full mths at site. Miraculously, I survived. And survive pretty well in fact.

I was still trying to get min to come back during then. I would msg her occasionally, even sent her a bouquet of flowers on V-Day. I went drinking with hanxi when she told me she's contented with alvin. From Chevron drink till Beer Valley. I must have downed a few jugs that nite. Till the next day I had a fucking bad hangover. (I started smoking again. At first, I insisted on not smoking even though the pple there, Zaw Moe, Azahar & Ng were all smokers. Gradually gave in after that.) Not long after that, I found out on frenster that she's married already. And that marks the end of us.

I started seeing Shannon after that. Our first date was at PS, watching Passion of Christ. We dated for abt 2 mths, from april till june, all during my IA period. Things did not turn out for us, mainly cos I did not want it to. She isn't what I am looking for. Till now I still feel apologetic for seemingly leading her on. We started seeing less of each other when my IA ended, n i went for ICT. And that marks the end of us.

Sch starts shortly after that. I was isolating myself from michelle during the 1st few weeks. Purposely giving her attitude. I even tot of changing my specialization so as not to see her. But I guess there isn't really a need for that. Though I tried to be cold to her, she still treat me like a good fren. I was having a bad cough then, she even bother to msg me to ask me to take care of myself. Gradually I start to take her as just a fren, without any more special feelings. I think this is the best way that things could turn out between us. Now we r still close as frens, without any awkwardness. =)

I also dunno how to describe the relationship between vivian n me. Frens? Good frens? Close frens? Sch mates? I think I spend the most time with vivian n michelle in sch. Michelle cos we both doing Bio-Med. Vivian cos we meet for other lecs that we having together. Our feelings did go beyond normal frens 1 yr ago. But that was in the past already. Now? Back to being platonic frens, i guess.

I met kit on national day, our first meeting was at Parco Bugis Junction. On our 2nd date, I celebrated her bday with her. I bought her calla lilies (she told me she like that). We dated for abt a mth or so. Hard to arrange dates with her due to her working hrs. We slowly drifted after not seeing each other for a couple of weeks. And that marks the end of us.

Partially cos I was distracted by ebby after that also. Ard this time I got to know irene & ebby online. After ebby played me out, princess came into my life. Again. I knew her back when I was still doing my IA. But that din go far. How she entered my life again n rose to the top of my mind was a stealth n silent process. After ebby played me out, I would on my msn literally the whole day, waiting to see her. However, I ended up seeing more of princess instead. Exams approaching, I started staying in sch lib every day to study in front of the comp tables. She was on msn literally the whole day as well, in lab doing her fyp. We would talk for hrs at a go back then. Even when I was in sch lib, supposedly to study. (Ciggie consumption increases, to keep me relaxed in between studying. I promise to stop after exams.)

Soon I grew to want to see her online more than anybody else. We started chatting on the phone also. We had our first date at Sentosa. Pretty romantic 1st date I would say, watching the muscial fountains and strolling along the beach. We started dating during exam times. We dated for 1 week, b4 the incident happened, and then continued for another 1 week, before she finally disappeared. (Ciggie consumption turns from bad to worse, even though exams r over. Throw in the ocassional beers.) She insisted on not seeing me for god-knows-what reason. Finally she said she lost the feeling for me already. And that marks the end of us.

Sometimes I wondered if eric had nv found out abt me, what might have been the outcome now? Would we continue to see each other like nothing's wrong? So much for wanting to be alone when she's already seeing someone new. Saying I'm not upset would be an understatement. It's at times like this that I shd really listen to what others have to say. As hanxi told me, she was nv my gf b4. So y shd I be so upset for a gal who did not even belong to me in the 1st place? (I'm a ciggie & beer junkie now. What's a good nite's out without ciggies & booze? Onto the path of self-destruction. hahaha)

Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will. 2004 is a yr where everything has gone wrong for me. All the things that I cared abt all went wrong. So no pt thinking abt all the what-ifs. If it would go wrong, it would. Maybe it's retribution? It all gets back to me after all's said n done. I've let min down, I've let shannon down. So someone's turn to do the same to me now?

I'll be back.

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