Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Waking With A Heartache

I wonder if anyone ever experience this same feeling I had. Waking with a heartache. The first thing that came to my mind when i woke up this morning, the moment I became conscious, was "I've lost my princess". The pain still cuts into me, maybe it's just not as intense as few weeks ago. This was the same feeling I had when I lost min 4 yrs ago. Every day I woke up with a heartache. It's like the first tot that came to ur mind when u wake up, is the fact that u've lost someone. Talk abt getting up on the wrong side of bed..... I can't even choose the sides now, can I?

Anyway, got busy planning my timetable today. Somehow, that made me happy - planning for sch. I dunno y, but sch had always made me happy. Even the time when I'm with min, when I go to sch, I would become a different person. Happy in a different kind of way. I guess that was the best times of my life in a while. I had a gf who loves me. I have my buddies - hanxi, eugene, lewis, jon, hui. I'm happy in sch, with amelia n gang, vivian & michelle, fab n gang. It was a fulfilling life. It seemed that i have not enough time on my hands. But I have to spoil it all, destroyed by my own bare hands.

"When I cut you off, did I cut myself with the same damned knife."

I guess I did cut myself. Badly. I've been thru quite a lot, since breaking up with min. It's been 1 yr already. I really hate spending festive seasons in this kinda mood.

I suddenly tot of gillian tonite. It's been a good 2 yrs since the time we stopped dating. I spent 9 mths trying to win her heart, but to no avail. We do have our fair shares of disagreements n quarrels. So much so that during that time, I feel that our disagreements make up more of the the time we spent together. But looking back at it now, I can't help but have fond memories of the time we had together, be it good or bad. At least at that time I was working for what I wanted, what I like n what I believed in. Somehow that gives me an aim in life and a purpose to every day, working towards the goal of making our relationship work out. I still remembered how lost I felt on the 1st few days that I decided to give up. Suddenly all sense of directions seem to be gone.

Well, this seem to have become some sort of my love blog. Most entries r abt my love life.

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