Sunday, March 27, 2005

The Ex Boyfriend

Min sms me the other day.

"Hui min here. We have not been talking for so long already. Dun u think we shd be frens again? Sch annual dinner this year."

She sms me with her new hp number, which I have deleted from my list. She's no longer using the old number which i have committed to memory. Maybe it symbolises a break from the past. My number, her number ; it seemed so linked together. She's no longer using hers, I'm still using mine. Even though I got a new number, I think I'm going to keep my old number for yrs to come.

I dunno how to reply. Heck, I dun even know how I feel at that moment. I'm quite numb, but not totally numb. What the hell do I mean by that ? haha. After digesting what her sms was asking of, I came up with 2 tots:

What happens if I say yes?
We'll add each other to msn n frenster, say a occasional 'hi' online if we feels like it. And that's abt it.

What happens if I say no?
Nothing changes. I dun get into her life, she doesn't get into my life.

So can anybody tell me the difference between the 2? In the end I did not reply her. She'll take the lack of response as a silent 'no'. But y did I choose to do that? It's not because I hate her for getting married with alvin. No doubt I'll nv agree that that was the smartest of moves. But nothing will change now that things have come to such a pass. I dun blame her, I dun blame alvin, I dun blame michelle. If there's anyone I wan to blame, it will be myself. I was stupid enough to risk a stable relationship for some fun, then I'll deserved whatever that I'm getting. But I'll not look back and regret what I've done. Dun ask me if I were to choose again, would I follow the same path I took. I dun entertain hypothetical qns.

Min, u r happily married. Dun look back and try to look for the ex bf who once lived in ur heart and broke ur heart. Not as a fren, not as a anybody. Treasure what u have now, and dun let anybody spoil it for u. You'll always be special to me, you'll always have a place in my heart. It is for the best for both of us to just let it remain as that. I have to move on. You have found ur guy, I'll be looking for mine.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The Speechless Gal

Hanxi pointed out to me that in my previous entry I stated that 11th of March marks a few incidents, but then I only mention my FYP. Must be too eager to log off that time. hehe. So what other events r there?

Well, it happened to be min's birthday. Though it wun mean anything to me ever again, I doubt i'll be able to forget the date. I did not wish her happy birthday also. Oddly coincidental, it is also Jasmine's birthday. She told me in her last msg that she's getting married at yr's end also. We used to talk abt meeting up 1 day, guess it's not going to happen, somemore if she's getting married.

More to do with birthdays. Liz's birthday falls 2 days b4 that, on 9th of March. She made a cute request on the nite of her birthday while I was chatting with her online. She wanted me to sing her a birthday song. Thus marks the 1st time that we chat on the phone. Well, turns out i'm the 6th person to sing her a bithday song. = So much for significance? haha. We chat for quite some time, n subsequently for the next couple of nites. She asked me to sing for her. haha. The only other gal that I've sang for is Gillian. I used to approach her with the same caution I had as with Gillian, but not anymore. Maybe cos they're both from NUS.

Eh.... I think I shan't talk too much abt this, dun wana jinxed it. Things have a habit of falling apart after I start shooting my mouth off. And anybody who read this entry, pls dun say or think too much abt it ya? lalalala ~

Saturday, March 12, 2005

End Of FYP

11th of March 2005. Today marked a number of significant dates. Firstly, its the deadline for my FYP first (and prob the final) draft. I finally got it all together in the morning, and handed in to Prof Seet. Here's how it goes:

Me: Prof, here's my FYP first draft. So what happens now that I've submitted the first draft?

Prof: Eh... well, usually students will do up their project and hand it in... blah blah blah (abt to launch into some long speech which is irrelevant)

Then I quickly cut in

Me: .... I mean will u be asking me to do any revisions to my project or anything like that ?

Prof: Oh, I'd have to actually read thru what u have written first (u mean u r not going to do that???) b4 I would know.

Me (stumped look): .....eh..... ok, so just inform me if u need me to do anything with my project.

Somehow he made me feel as if he's not really interested abt my project, sth that can be chucked 1 side and he'll pick it up n read it when he's really free or sth. Well, if he's as relaxed as it seemed, hopefully he can be as relaxed with his marking as well. But regardless of anything, this is the end of 1 yr of SHIT!!!! Hahahahahaha!!! For the past yr, there's not a moment when I can take my mind off the project, constantly nagging me in the back of my head. Bloody ass. Holiday mood now. lalalala ~

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Fly Aeroplane Fly ~

It seems like i only blog whenever i feel surging emotions. Blogging was the furthest thing from my mind the previous few weeks, maybe cos life's been rather monotone. I spent at least half the sem break slacking away, occasionally doing my fyp n spending a miserable day trying to catch up with my work in nus with eugene n yvonne. But horror awaits me at the start of sch - M460 project due on sat. gulp! = Really din put in too much effort in mastering ANSYS, cos always relying on vivian. Wasted 2 days of shit n stress trying to churn out a fucking report. N after that, a greater terror looms - FYP first draft. gulp! gulp! = Its amazing i still find time to blog now with the imminent deadline exactly 1 week away. I'm even thinking of going home later to watch the Lakers vs Mavericks match later at 1130am.

Ok wait, so where m I now? N how has the first line of my blog deviate to talking abt sch work? Since when has sch work ever given me any surges of emotions? haha. Ok, now for the facts: i'm in sch currently and the time is 9:58am and its a saturday. Normally I dun even go sch on fri, so y m i in sch on a sat??? A lot of question marks encircling ur head now? hehe. Well, someone flew my aeroplane again. Hmm... so what's new? It's the 3rd time already, n i'm keeping count. How many times must I kena put aeroplane by her? So m i pissed abt it? I dunno what i'm feeling now too, partial disappointment n partial relief. I've a urge to give her a piece of my mind, but then again, just forget abt it. Not say i dunno her pattern, but then, she shd exercise some responsibilties over what she said rite? But either way, i would have to come sch today, or so I tot.

Got a M460 project to hand in rite? Yeah, rite n wrong! Now, on to complaining abt sth else. I wana screw all the NTU admin personnel. I was in sch on fri in the evening to hand in the project, reach CAD/CAM lab at exactly 5:25pm. The buggers there actually lights off and lab locked already. N its supposed to close at 5:30pm. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! I'm gonna kill all those buggers. Worse still, i gong gong think i can go n hand in today, but the lab's not open on a sat ~ So effectively speaking, i've just come to sch for nothing today. Well, what good fortune i have. Maybe I can round it off by meeting some hot babe in sch today. At least makes my time in sch worthwhile yeah? haha. I wish....

Some new interesting happenings in my online life recently. Well, of coz there r closures to other stories also, interesting characters like irene and ebby. Recently came across a frenster profile by the name of madeleine, and the photos she displayed r actually photos of irene n ebby that they have shown me. As in they r the same person. I noticed the uncanny resemblance the first time they showed me too, so now just proves the point that someone's faking it. I met irene online just yest, n she vehemently denies any faking. I'm not really bother who's faking who, since its just online frens at the end of the day. If u see me online, i'll chat with u, that's all. Well, welcome to the virtual world. Hmm.... so whats the interesting thing i'm talking abt? There's this new interesting gal, who's abt as elusive as ebby n irene. Only concrete thing which she reveals that i can check up on is that she works at a particular shop in heeran. Well, was telling her I might go down n check her out today, but guess depends on my mood later in the day.

Sometimes I wonder y m i nv romantically involved with the gals that r ard me? And saying that I have many gals ard me is an understatement even. The closest that i've ever gotten involved with someone in ntu is probably michelle or vivian, or maybe shiyi back in days of yr 1 n 2. Somehow I seemed to subconsciously seperate my uni life into 2 phases. Pre - huimin phase and post - huimin phase. It seems I became another person after our 2nd stint together. Now i seldom see michelle in sch, still been seeing vivian as often if not more, n mostly been seeing khim n chris cos always hanging in the lib after sch to do work. N what do all have them have in common? boyfriends. I guess that answers the qn I post on the first sentence of this paragraph.
Sth that I've always been reluctant to do, is to go after a gal who has a bf. Too much effort needed for results that has a high percentage of not going in my favor. Well, so how come other fuckers can snatch my gf in uni? Fuck again.

I think I've almost regain my neutrality in life, where i'm not constantly having someone on my mind. Maybe still have a soft spot for her somewhere deep inside. If not, what's stopping me from blowing my top everytime she puts my plane? Well, anyway, I find that it's in this kind of state of neutrality that I've been my most attractive. Love comes ur way when u least expects it. It's been proven true b4, so let's see it happen again now.