Ok blog, another sad entry after all these mths. Coincidentally, it ended in similar fashion to the last heartache. Both recent break-ups with bf that I din know of, both telling me they did not want to hurt me, both decided to stop seeing me. I take it as punishment from above. For all the bad things I've done.
Sth I've learnt is to not to try too hard for sth to happen. The more u push, the further it gets. I told her i'll wait. I'll play my part, n let her play hers.
I just felt as if someone up there just pulled a prank on me this time. To have me so foolishly build up hope only to have it smashed in an instant. What I'm really surprised at this time round is the amt of hope that I've actually sub-consciously built up. That it was enough to cause me this much heartache. It was a bitter bitter feeling when realised that it all come to naught.
I feel the dreaded feeling yesterday. The Dreaded Feeling. Where u r not in the mood for anything, where ur appetite is lost, where u just can't get to sleep at nite, where u start to see shadows of the past ard every corner. When I was at Suntec Sky Garden just now, I tot of the time I called her while I was there with Lewis & Eugene 3 yrs ago. Even memories of 3 yrs ago started floating back. I was elated to know she's having a long weekend this week. Tot I could see more of her. I tot of stuffs and promises we said which is not going to happen. We'll go clubbing. We'll go sentosa. We'll go for nature walks. It ain't there anymore...
With every setback I encounter, my ability to love becomes lesser and lesser.
Once there was a fool.
He hath his heart broken in two