Shanghai Dolly

I have been hanging out at Shanghai Dolly quite a lot recently, ever since the incident with Fate. Been there on Wed, Fri and Sat nites. It doesn't help that 1 of the singers there look uncannily like her. And when she sings 感动天感动地, i'll always be reduced to a wreck.

I quite like the atmosphere there, similar to Dragonfly, and I guess this is where all the Dragonfly crowd went. The crowd is kinda ah beng or rather, lao beng though. (Yea, lao beng like me) But Eugene's going Shanghai for the next couple of mths, so 1 less khaki to hang out at Dolly for the next few months.

Been talking to JZ online quite a lot recently, mainly coz of my incident with Fate. I've been in a rather foul mood at work for the past 2 weeks. My temper's been rather short lately, and I kind of flared up at her last week. I knew she's angry immediately after I scolded her, and AML msn me to confirm it. I think if it were me in the past, I would just like it be and heck the relationship. But somehow I went out during lunchtime to get flowers and card for her to apologize. I guess she mean something to me afterall.

I have not taken anyone into confidence for a long time, much less a colleague. But if I'm still not going to talk to someone abt it, I think I'll burst.

感动天感动地

Every heartbreak has a song. I guess this is it.

感动天感动地

一开始我以为爱本来会很容易
所以没有经过允许就把你放心底
直到后来有一天你和他走在一起
我才发现原来爱情不是真心就可以

我感动天感动地怎么感动不了你
明明知道没有结局却还死心塌地
我感动天感动地怎么感动不了你
总相信爱情会有奇迹都是我骗自己

以为自己不再去想你
保持不被刺痛的距离
就算早已忘了我自己
却还想要知道你的消息

Wretched Life

Welcome Wretched Life, once again, all over again, this is it again.

For how long have I seek to avoid this feeling, so much so that whenever I'm gonna sink it, I always pull myself out. Coz I know this all too familiar miserable feeling, know it too well I should say.

Why did you hold me back when I wanted to leave, knowing full well that you're gonna get attached soon? Why.

There's just so much frustration in me, consuming me. What do you want of me now? How can I still look at you without feeling the ache in my heart? I know heart ache. There is really such a thing as heart ache. It feels as though your heart is being squeezed, gripped by the hands of fate and given a tight squeeze. I experienced it years ago.

I'm paying the price again, but I'll see the light again.

I believe I have earned the right to leave.

"Got every right to wanna leave
Got every right to wanna go
Got every right to hit the road
And never talk to me no more
You don't even have to call
Even check for me at all
Because the way I've been acting lately
Has been off the wall"

Fate again?

I think the blogosphere has grown a bit foreign for me. I rem the time when only my frens actually view and leave comments on my entries. But I've gotten numerous comments for my previous Fate entry. This just seemed so weird??? I feel kinda exposed. haha.

Anyway, for the benefit of those who are wondering, I did go out with her for a few more times. It's usually something short like a simply dinner after work. Well, we'll see how it goes.

I just got back from Jakarta. The trip was for business, as the president of a certain country is supposed to visit Jakarta. It got postponed while I was there, essentially making it a wasted trip in the business sense. Personally, all the better for me since I get a free trip. =)

Fate

After what seemed like forever, I think I finally went out on a date again.

It wasn't supposed to be a date initially i think, just hanging out for coffee or sth. End up she has not had dinner yet, and I was kinda at a lost at where to take her for dinner. FYI, I have not taken a gal out in the dating sense, for at least 2 years. My knowledge of nice places to visit are all at least 2 years old, and if fortunate, still standing.

So at the last min, I pulled Dempsey Road out of my top hat. I think a few yrs ago, not many pple would have heard of Dempsey Road, but it seems like common knowledge now. Turns out she's been to the Ben & Jerry at Dempsey before. Anyway, I took her to Oosh which has not failed to impress before (I only ever took 1 gal there b4 and she was impressed. Still that counts as 1 out of 1 rite?), until that nite. Turns out the outdoor section is closed, i guess due to it being Sunay nite, and we got an indoor seat with a "nice window view" but it was nite and we basically can't see shit. The food was bad. Little and tasteless. There goes Oosh as the secret weapon.

We went over to Ben & Jerry for waffles after that. Quaint little (actually it was quite big) place which sells a bit of everything. There's a small counter selling t-shirts n other nonsense, a bar counter, a live band section, n of coz ice-cream. It was still early after Ben & Jerry, so we drove to Holland V where we had a bit of drinks at Wala Wala. She told me quite a lot about herself, her past relationships, family, etc

We left at ard midnite and I drove her home. Was thinking that I shd give her a goodnite kiss, like how it always happened in the shows but just dun know how to go abt doing it. I wanted to walk her up (but it'll be weird to kiss her outside her door anyway), but she said it wasn't necessary. And the angle's a bit weird to attempt a kiss in the car as well. So end up with just a "goodbye and seeya again" kinda stuff. Lame.

I'm Back

Hi guys, i'm back... 2010

First Entry For 2009

Lo and behold! Here I am again... more than 1 year after my last entry.

So many things to talk about. I just read thru several of my previous entries which i blogged during the salsa period. I'm currently retired from salsa again. I think my last dance was on a Sat nite some time back in Oct 07. Jojo and I have been together for close to 2 years now.

A lot happened in 2009. 4th auntie passed away shortly after CNY. She was diagnosed with cancer sometime back in Dec of last year. It was fast - within 3 mths, it was over. My heart just broke when I was visiting her in the hospital. She was closest to us among all our relatives. She helped out me n my bro a lot for our uni fees. And before I can start repaying her, she's not there anymore. I rem while trying to get to sleep 1 nite, I just had this sudden emotion that our family is no longer complete. Grandma left in 2006. and now she left. I can still rem them so vividly while they were still ard.

I also cleared my final ICT this 2009. Now I've officially MR (Mindef Reserves) and been presented with the Hamilton watchh. After exactly 10 years of shit, I finally have ntg to do with the army anymore. If I ever have to wear Long 4 again, it means sth seriously wrong has happened.

National Day's approaching. Shishi is leaving for the states for further education 1 day after National Day. Personally, I feel it'll be a waste of time. Nonetheless, we'll be sending her off at the airport. 5am flight. Bah!

Olympics Beijing 2008

Heard this news on radio on my way to work this morning. Olympics Beijing 2008 is schedule to start in a week’s time, and apparently the traffic congestion and pollution problem in Beijing is gonna be sth to concern with.

When interviewed, Beijing residents said that they are happy and in favor of the Olympics being held in Beijing, and as a sign of their passion, they will heed state advice and stay indoors as much as they can during the Olympics duration.

All non-Olympics related profession is apparently on official holiday, and the pple are encouraged to visit other states for holidays, in an attempt to reduce the number of pple in the city.

Earlier on, Beijing has implemented a traffic control scheme; whereby cars of odd and even plate number are only allowed use the highways on alternate days. However, the situation now has worsened until almost 90% of personal cars are not allowed on the highways during the Olympic duration.

I’ve ever been to Beijing a couple of times, and true enough, these 2 areas are where they need to work on. I rem a dinner apptment which my vendor, which took me 2 hrs to reach the venue, in spite of them sending a car to pick me.

So much for the Olympics…

28 Years Old

Spent my birthday weekend in Genting with Jojo, thinking I could use some birthday luck. Sad to say, it din work too well... =(

We been together for close to a year now, just 2 more mths to Sep 23. =)

Looking forward to every weekend, work simply does not have any appeal for me right now. My boss dislike the way I work n I dislike pretty much everything abt him. This doesn't work out too good for me, considering my performance and advancement in the company is highly dependent on this individual.

Time to look for a way out...

Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi

What to do when you find out something which u're not supposed to know? Sometimes ignorance can really be bliss...

Weddings

Recently I attended Daphne's wedding at Rasa Sentosa Hotel. Yes, the same Daphne whom Eugene was head over heels for some years back. So far, I've attended quite a few fren's wedding; Regina, James, Hilda, Kim Long, Jason, and this time Daphne. But this time there is a slight difference - difference in my status. All the other times, I was single.

Actually, my perception of marriage and weddings are pretty warped ever since I knew Min was marrying Alvin. I dislike the notion of getting married. I have heard more than enough of the sweet and romantic reasons for getting married, but perceived thru my realist view, it just seemed like it's sth to just get it over and done with. To obtain a status recognised by the law, with someone whom you think you can live with. I have not tot of settling down ever since that. Sometimes I even think that I would prob not get married my whole life.

This wedding stirred up some different emotions.

As I watched the video clips of the groom going to fetch the bride at her place, I started wondering if I'd ever have the chance to do this. Being the groom. Sometimes when my imginations are loose, I'd imagine myself in wedding situations, but I'm always part of the brothers gang. Nv the groom himself. I tot abt who my brothers gang would comprise of. Prob Hanxi, Eugene, Lewis, etc.

I imagined myself taking all that the sisters gang can throw at us, cos I would not allow anything to stop me from marrying Joanne.

I imagined us walking on the red carpet, to the tunes of the wedding march.

I imagined us drinking our nuptial wines.

Sometimes life makes fun of us all. I belittle the notion of wedding when all this could happen to me. Now I can only imagine how it would be like beacuse it wun happen for us. It wun be special for her; hence it wun be special for me.

Injury-plagued Xiaohei Part 2

It was supposed to be a simple nite of shopping and Xmas decor viewing at Orchard Road, and we made the unfortunate choice of Far East Shopping Center for our carpark. Sth rather amusing happened. Joanne has some vouchers for Isetan Scotts and we were hoping to go redeem it. Somehow, we made our way to Wisma only to learn that we can't redeem it there as it's stated Isetan Scotts only. We backtrack in search of Isetan Scotts and were pondering how we can miss this detail, and to realise that Scotts shopping center has actually been demolised!

So what happened was our brain automatically processed the next nearest Isetan to be our supposed destination when we could not find Scotts shopping center in the first instance when we pass by what used to be it's location. Anyway, ended up we have to redeem the vouchers at Isetan Shaw House.

When all's done, next came the retrieval of the car at the top floor of Far East Shopping Center carpark. Upon going down the first slope, I did my normal cornering and everything seemed to be going as usual until I heard a disgusting scratching sound which turned into such of a crunching sound. SCREEEGH ~

The rear door on the right side was wedged into the edge of a fucking pillar. I tried to reverse myself out and this causes the door to be further dented in. After much effort to minimise the damage to unwedge myself, I earned myself a $200 respray and repair cost. The spray job was a little fucked-up as well, and it leaves small little bumps on the lower portion of the resprayed door.

Oh well, what luck.... =(

Injury-plagued Xiaohei

A spate of unfortunate events befall Xiaohei recently. Within a month, he's sustained 1 minor and 1 major injury. The carpark at the following 2 places are at the top of my blacklist now: Pearl Center and Far East Shopping Center.

There is a disgusting steep slope leading up to the carpark at Pearl Center. And better still, the gantry does not use ERP style of entry. It requires u to stop and insert the bloody cashcard. I overshot the cashcard device and gotta reverse to the damned device. After all's done, I tried going forward and found my car going backwards instead. The Honda Civic behind then decide to horn me to add to my confusion. Well.. dunno what shit went thru my mind and for a while, I tot I was driving a manual car. Being stuck on a slope with ur manual car sliding backwards? The only thing to do - jam the accelerator.

WHAM!

End of story.

The consequence is a payment of $76 for the Honda Civic to change it's number plate which was bent, and a series of emails on whether or not the money transfer was received.

The 2nd incident at the condemned Far East Shopping Center carpark is even more heart-wrenching. To be continued..

Meeting On Board SQ805

The scene was n board SQ805 bound for Shanghai, on the morning of 30th August 2007. I had forgotten to put a pen in my laptop bag and needed 1 to fill up the numerous departure forms which were needed by China Custom. I was checking out the babe sitting behind me who's also furiously filling up her departure forms, thinking of borrowing her pen and possibly strike up a conversation. Along came a stewardess, noticing my plea for sth and offered her assistance.

"Can I help?" Stewardess

"Eh... can I borrow a pen from you?" Me

"Sure, here you go." Stewardess (handing me her pen)

As we look each other in the eyes, the fleeting moment of recognition registered in my mind. Before I can say anything, she goes...

"Andy Kwa" Stewardess (And she walked away)

Memories. Memories. Memories. If my thoughts can be viewed like in Dumbledore's pensieve, it'll look like this:

2001
She was 16. I was 21.
She whom I met at the old Ridley's at ANA Hotel.
She whom immortalize the song "Once In A Lifetime" as THE romantic clubbing song.
She whom I wrote a 500 word essay to tell her y I like her.
She whom I left behind at Orchard Cineleisure, because I swore to myself not to let any more gals step over me.
She whom ask me to tuition her for her O Levels.
She whom I kiss.
She whom I bought a mango cake, 12 red roses and 2 love devils for her birthday.

故事的最后结局,结束在那年冬季,孤独的冰冷风里.

It was kind of nice to meet her again this way. She did give me a bit of preferential treatment throughout the flight. The first time I finally a familiar stewardess on my flights.

Emergence of Xiaohei

It's been a while.... Hahaha.

I'm back on the blogging scene again. For the past month, my working hours took a drastic plunge for the worst. Tot that now that I've got a car, leaving office after work should be a case of pure bliss (minus the bus waiting, hot stuffy bus ride, standing in the mrt, 1.5 hr journey back home, etc). Who knows I end up staying later and later every day. And worse still, now that I don't need to claim taxi fare home, I ended up not keeping track of my overtime meal allowance as well. Bah!

Social life-wise (no, I have not been picking up cais), it wasn't much of a diff. Prob cos I have not been salsa-ing much nowadays. My new salsa grp sorta split after Akder went back to India. Thinking back to the days when we all have the thinking that having a car would make picking up chicks so much easier. Not too true though, or maybe I just have not been putting it to this particular use. Haha.

Well, I did go out with Jer more often nowadays. I brought her to Oosh at Dempsey Road, and she was totally ecstatic about the place. Subsequently, we went out a few more times, to Union, to Upper Club, Holland V, etc. She did tell me that she feels that I've gotten more confident now that I have a car (She calls it Xiaohei). I dunno how true this is. But it's true that I would not have initiate to ask gals out last time, like how I asked Jer out not. Even gals whom I'm interested in. And no, I dun feel like I'm going after her, well, not now anyway.

Sth funny happened 1 time when we were at JP. We were just talking abt me having not gone to Union for some time, and who I wana meet there, when just out of nowhere, Yumin appeared in front of us. I was stun beyond words, and just managed to mutter "Hi" before we walked away. I knew Yumin felt that I've always sort of like Jer, cos she did tell me last time that she notice I only dance with Jer at Union last time. And that was during the time when I sort of dun do salsa. It's been so long since I talk to Yumin. We dun even talk on msn now. There was 1 Fri nite when I went to Union with Jer, and happened to see Yumin there with her Bugs. I was sitting alone at the sofa with my back to the pool table. I knew she was behind me, and I saw her silhouette walking towards where I was sitting. Instinctively, I just stood up and walk away, without looking back. I dun know if she was walking over to talk to me, but I just did not want to talk to her just yet. Let the silence continue.

Back to Jer... sometimes I think I'm seeing shadows of Min in her also. Both have abt the same kind of family background, the same profession, the same streak of rebellious-ness, the same bit of Siao Charbor mentality sometimes. We were in my car 1 time, and it happened to play Sammi's song Bu Shang Xin. This is like my song for Min, reminding me always of the times we were together; the sweet times when we love each other to bits, the bitter times when she left me for Marcus. Jer told me she love the song also. Not many pple even know of the song I believe.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Ok, a bit late to wish myself happy birthday rite now... but who cares. Anyway, it fell on a Thur which does not seem to have any celebratory feel surrounding it. Thur - the majority of the week behind it and 1 more day to the last day of the week. It somehow seemed to be the most draggy day day of the week. The day where u feel like the time seem not to move while u're in ur office.

Anyway, had a mini gathering with my JC folks. Eugene, Lewis, Duckie and Sandy at Union Square. Nobody of the usual gang there AT ALL. They must have just celebrated Miss Tng's birthday the day b4. Just as well, if not I'd might be forced to do a birthday dance. They bought me a real creamy chocolate cake, (dead giveaway that it's my birthday ya?). We played silly games to finish up the cake and taught Duckie and Sandy to dance towards the end of the nite.

Babe bought me a little cake the next day. =) Din expect that though.

Thanks to Rongyan, Kaixin and Huihui who remembers. Love you, babes!

Best I Ever Had

Today I danced with Cranberry again. After 2 weeks. She's the first gal whom I feel like dancing with song after song after song. Everybody talks abt the so-called chemistry when they identified a person whom they so love to dance with. I din understand it then. I guess I do now.

Cranberry - best I ever had. I know she like this song

Best I Ever Had

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Ran away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

End Of Countdown!

End of countdown! Eh... actually the clock ticks down to 0 last Thur. Albeit much earlier than I expected. Yeah !!!!

The Clock Winds Down 1

Day 3 of waiting. Tick tick tick....

Oh ya, my blog visitor counter hits 7777 today. =)

Commitment

Today I made a huge life(style) changing decision and commitment that I ever done to date. Now, to really watch those expenditures from now on... sigh.