Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Work Work Work...

Work work work.... (sounds like what the peon said in Warcraft III? hehe) Yes. Work and more work. I'm been tasked with more n more stuffs, permanent projects, not the arrows like Kaizen and year-end function like last time. Well... isn't that a good thing? Frankly speaking, I feel I'm being under-utilized managing only 1 project. Feel that I dun even need to use half my potential. So isn't it a good thing now that I've got more?

Well... how shall I put this? I feel like I'm not being appreciated. My colleagues seemed to be the ones that r getting good reviews from my boss. Cos their customers are giving them more problems and henceforth has more job to be done. It's not my fault my program is running smoothly ya? Sheesh... I do have my fair share of probs too ya? Anyway, fuck it. The feeling of being under-appreciated makes me lose the drive to excel, to strife for more. I've been more or less in a slump lately, more looking forward to my fri and sat nites than at work.

I guess I better snap out of it. Work work work...

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Life After Work...

Heh.. unknowingly, I have been blogging for more than a yr already. (Though recent entries r less frequent due to my hectic work which deprives me of anything interesting to blog abt) Ever since I started work, I've been thinking frequently abt upgrading myself; be it career-wise or social-wise. To learn new things, to pick up new hobbies and activities.

In terms of leisure, I start with picking up salsa. Unknowingly, I have already progressed till the middle of Intermediate level already, but still I feel like an amateur. Most prob the result of a lack of practise. I still dun have the confidence to just ask a gal for a dance, as I would not be spontaneous enough to execute just any moves that come to mind; to lead the gal without messing things up. I still rely too much on memorising or planning in mind what moves I wana do. The past few times at Union Square I did not really enjoy myself as I'm actually restricting myself, not daring to just ask someone for practise. Till last fri I was there. B4 I go I was still hesitating as I was expecting it to be just another boring session there. Then I just decide to fuck it and go n try to get as much out of my time there as I could.

Just as I was making my way to Union Square on the 2nd floor of Amara Hotel, I met Priscilla, 1 of only 2 gals in my Salsa class that's worth a 2nd glance. We chat as we made our way to Union, and somehow I felt that I would actually enjoy myself this nite. (A babe for company certainly helps any cause, u see?) Well, in the end I actually did enjoy myself that nite, just being pro-active and mixing ard with the pple from class that were there that nite. I'm even thinking of going on to learning Barcharta and Rueda after Salsa. They r planning a ktv outing next week, but very likely I'll have to miss that. Dunno what time I'll be back from Shanghai. =(

Apart from dance, I've developed a liking for live band performances. Any place for chilling and with a decent live band performing would be an ideal place for a weekend nite's out. Booze, smoke, music, babes. Hard to resist this kinda combination ya? I like the band outside Indochime at Wisma. The indoor female band isn't half bad as well. Yest just been to Timbre where the live band is similar to watching a concert. Loof is a very good hang out place as well, as a lack of live band.

Well... career-wise.... I would like to learn abt investing. Anyone who can give me any guidance or any courses I can attend? I would like to pick up financial accouting as well, would have took up the CFA course with Shuling had company not signed me up with a commerical law course, which I have no idea when it'll start.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

In And Out Of Love

Judging by the title of this post, you mere mortals out there are likely to think its abt my love life again rite? Wrong. Well, for once at least. There simply hasn't been anything in the least interesting or scandalous abt my social life for the past few mths. I guess can say from the time I started working. So much so that I resorted to blogging abt my love stories in NTU, and just when I tot I can get sth going with Miss C, it got quenched just as fast.

The past few days, I literally witnessed the demise of my buddy who fell out of love. The scene is eerily reminiscent of what happened 1 yr plus ago (not happened on me, it's happened on him as well), just maybe worse this time rd. He just can't help but to destroy his chances of getting back together at every opportunity he has. Not that I could have done any better if I was in his shoes. I went thru this before, and every attempt or stunt that I try to pull, it brings her further and further away from me and deeper and deeper into someone else's arms.

Cooling off period. Might as well call it break-up. Period. Ntg good has ever come out of a cooling-off period that I heard of. It is just an excuse to allow the party that wanted out to have time to get accustomed to singlehood again; during that time off which she can chose to go back to the guy if she dislikes the imminent singlehood, or to simply assimilate a single's lifestyle if she prefers it that way. Sounds unfair? Well, this IS unfair. This is life. The real world as I like to call it.

So many infamous quotes were thrown out during times of depressions like this. I only subscribe to 2 of them which I always tell my close frens who suffers from relationship break-ups.

Door of Happiness
"When the door of happiness closes on you, another opens. But often, we looked so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us"

Serenity Prayer
"God gave me the courage to change the things that I can, and the serenity to accept the things that I cannot, and the knowledge to tell the difference"

There's a even simpler one with only 3 words. Life goes on...
It might sound so damn cliched, but these 3 simple words reflects the truth so much that it
hurts.

Brother, this entry is for dedicated for you. You sms me the Door Of Happiness quote when I broke up with Min in 2001 and I remembered it till today. I hope you can put it to good use now. Get your feet back on the ground soon.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

A Walk Down Memory Lane

Went to Queensway with Lewis the other day to accompany him to buy PS2. The new version so sleek and small, make my bulky old counterpart look like shit. But1 thing is, its cd rom is the open up type, not the sliding type. Might be prone to failure easily i tot. Anyway, b4 we got there, we took a walk ard IKEA cos he wanted to buy a box to contain all his momentos from JC times, sec sch times, etc. He found a metal container, and I bought 1 for myself too seeing that it was quite cheap and nice.

So where is all this box-buying leading to, and how is it related to the title of this entry?

Well, yesterday I was sorting out all my old letters and cards and stuffs from JC and sec sch times - to be chucked into my new blue metal box and be relegated to oblivion. But just b4 relegation, I just decide to open up a few and read thru it. A walk down memory lane. It brought back more than just memories, mostly the letters that I received in JC.

During that time, I corresponded with a number of pple: mainly Meifang, Kaixin, Hilda, and of coz Xiaowei. I read all the Xiaowei letters first. Well, our letters were mainly abt our arguments. Usually after we quarrel, we'll end up writing letter to each other, to tell each other how disappointed we r. And I actually have quite a few of those letters. There were some after we broke up too. ( mainly she wrote to me to tell me how lousy I am)

I started writing to Meifang and Kaixin in yr 2 of JC. Corresponded the most with Meifang. We wrote countless letters to each other during that 1 yr, and subsequently for a part of 1999 while I was in the army and yet to have Min as a gf. I guess gradually stopped writing after I got attached. And partly cos of the emergence of internet at home and the purchase of a handphone. More modes of communications are made possible thru these 2 inventions. When we can simply sms or chat online with frens instead of snail mail of the past and phonecalls. (And it is exactly these that made me lose my infamous chee hong skills)

Reading thru these letters, 1 fact stared me in the face. I have changed. Changed into someone completely different from who I used to be back in those days. Most prob pple would ask "Got meh?" Of coz the exterior hasn't changed, I still joke ard and crap ard with everybody on the preface. But it's my mind that's changed. Guess no one really knows me much from the past, as is the present. Actually I believe even until today, my close frens dun really know the real me.

I used to be a dreamer. I used to believe in love. My mentality was pure and to a extent, naive. I used to like to express how I feel thru song lyrics (I still do now, just that I don't tell pple abt it) I love to do that, cos it seemed so poetic, so coincidence that someone is singing what's happening to you. Now I'm a cynic. When it comes to love, I'm skeptical. Maybe it's what I went thru. Maybe it's what I witness from my frens and the pple ard me. I became a realist. In a sense, this is the real world. No longer like the world we imagine when we were still innocent teenagers at sch. Well, at least I'm prepared for the real world now. (which was after I went thru whatever that came my way)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Back To Square One

Back to square one. Lalala ~

Monday, February 06, 2006

I'm Reduced To A Wreck Again

I'm a miserable wreck....

I'm finding mounting pressure on myself whenever I chat with Miss C. It's affecting me like how it was during the first time with Gillian. So the conversation always ended up sounding kinda polite and formal, hard to establish the flow which comes with simply relaxing and talking crap.
This is preventing me from even trying to call and chat on the phone. If I can't even get sth going online, what r the chances of doing it over the phone?

Y m I suffering from this again? I tot I'm pass that phase already. Or is liking her really putting on that much pressure on me? I'll have NIL chances if I dun even make phone calls to her. Now I can just talk crap with Miss J online, since the crush has already passed. The prob lies with Miss C now. Y is it always like this?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Allure Of C

Ah... I have decided to cast aside my NTU Love Story for a while, as it doesn't seem too popular as reflected by the number of comments; a grand zero. Yeah, who cares abt what this beast went thru in NTU anyway??? We're all more interested in the present love story, ain't that rite??? Hehehe...

Erm.. for a start, there isn't much of a love story currently to speak of. Maybe things r just starting to get interesting. Well that's where all the fun part of being in love lies rite? The part when everything seem so uncertain; n u r being kept on ur toes, second-guessing what every little movement of her fingers might mean, when she could just be whisking away a fly. (Oh man, my heart is just not suited for this kind of excitement no more)

Actually my heart remains relatively unmoved, but it's just a few things which even I was shocked to noticed abt myself, that made me think that this gal is actually starting to gain a foothold in my heart. Let's just call her C. (I hope to hell she doesn't read my blog)

We went clubbing with a few common frens, namely E, D, S and another C which I shall call C2. (Heh.. not much help here) C was supposed to join us at a later time, and prior to her arrival, D was asking me how I'm feeling abt seeing C later. I tried to consider the qn seriously, sth like a gauge on whether I'm really into her; if I'm really excited or happy to see her. (Whether if i have the "heart as though little deer anyhow whack" feeling) I actually felt pretty normal, of coz looking forward to seeing her, but not having the butterflies in stomach kinda feeling. And when she turns up, I made a shocking discovery!!! I found myself hesitating to smoke in her presence!!! So I ended up not smoking the whole nite when she was with us. Usually I dun give a damn what gals would think of my smoking habits, but for her, I am actually hesistant to let her know that I smoke. Just a pt which I found pretty illogical.

Anyway, that clubbing nite was the last time I saw her, and that happened ard 2 weeks back. We correspond mainly on msn n using sms; I have yet to attempt to do a phonecall. Till now, we r still relatively formal frens. There is still that awkward politeness in our msn n sms conversations. D told me that C questioned her if I call all my female frens babe, as I called her babe a couple of times. Last weekend after clubbing, I came closest to doing sth fantastic. I pretty much did it without thinking, (was rather high after the Graveyard) I sms C goodnite n told her I missed her. I din get a reply for the whole day next day, n I tot I prob blew it n scared her away; Till at nite when we talked on msn. She asked if I was drunk the previous nite, n I got to say sth lame that I probably was...