Saturday, January 21, 2006

NTU Love Story Year 2 Sem 1

The Day came and went without any fanfare. I did not pop the qn, neither did anything spectacular happened. But we did go out consecutively for 3 days prior to the The Day. At first I wasn't even supposed to go out with her on my birthday. Till on the actual day itself, I found myself without any program. I had purposely made myself free on that day, JUST IN CASE I can get sth going with Gillian. (And my mates more or less knew I have in mind to try some stunt, so they had decided not to jio me for anything on that day)

She had sth on that day already, but upon knowing I've got no programs, she did ask if I wana do anything. So she actually cancel her apptment to go out with me, which I tot was really nice of her. Well, the reason I din pop the qn was cos I kind of pop the semi-qn like just a few days b4 that, (which is to say I tried to test water) and the result came back negative. She wasn't really that into me yet. Yet. I tot that was the keyword. Well, it really IS the keyword, but another unmentioned keyword here is TIME. I tot I would just continue the pursue, as she has started to change her opinion of me as someone who generally fools ard - cast the net and see what u might get in it kind of guy. (Ok, some of u r gonna disagree on this, we shall debate that another time. At least let me look good in this blog entry first ya? =P) I told her abt my relationship with Min and how it went awry, n how it put so much hate into me. That time it still took a lot out of me when I relate my failed relationship. She could see the emotions in my face. How much I actually feel abt things. So after the June holz it did seem like we might be getting somewhere.

I can't be more wrong.

Things got progressively downhill after that. There were arguments. Actually I dun understand how there can be arguments. I mean we r not even an item yet. And already we r disagreeing on issues and end up arguing. Most times over my lack of sensitive-ness. And 1 major incident over who's gonna bring Xinyi to Orange during her faculty bash. To cut the story short, towards mid September, she deemed us as near-to-impossible to be together. I tried to hold on for a while, but somethings r just too much for me to take at that time. With that, the story ends...

The setting shift back to NTU.

I started wondering, y I keep having 'extra-marital' affairs like this instead of just trying to concentrate on the crops in my own sch. Vicinity is the key, ain't it? And hence I start my crop harvesting plan in NTU. Heh heh...

Due to my shy (what !!??) nature, I only got aquainted with 1 new gal this sem. OK, that's crap. I'm going to admit what a jerk I am actually. Be prepared. I do selective fren-making. It helps if u r a babe. (Oh man, it helps a lot!) Not to say I shun un-babeish gals, just that I wun hong u as much. (I'm so gonna expect numerous flamings for saying this) Anyway, I dare say it is true for most guys. They just dun admit it anyway. Anyway, since they have broken up the class that we have in yr 1, this sem I'm pretty much on my own. I dun really plan my timetable with my mates as I have my own agenda, dun wana compromise anything shd I need to plan with frens who happen to have conflicting timetables. I operate alone for most things anyway.

So for the early part of this sem, the gal in qn I got to know was Christine. We happen to share the same Comm Skills class. (What better class to know gals than this?They r practically teaching u how to communicate. Whahaha!!!) Anyway, I heard stories abt a Miss Sg pageant gal in my cohort but till now then I'm able to place a face on this person. Well, Christine wasn't really my kind of gal, but she deserves special mention since she appear in my NTU life anyway.
We got on relatively well, where I often help her with stuffs like notes n reminding her of impt dates. (She tells me she get constant reminders from frenscos she blur like sotong) Hell, I virtually helped everyone with their notes and stuffs.

This was also the sem that I got to know my hottest babe of NTU, Jiani and Vivian. Vivian was Rebecca's fren, whom I caught occasional glimpses of during my 1st year. This sem, Yingying would meet Rebecca for lunch on every Tuesdays, and Vivian would join them. Yingying asked me along too, and that's how I got to know her. Coupled with occasional chance meetings on our way to sch, and the fact that we both from MPE, we gradually began to hang out together more n more. The interesting things with Vivian start only in the next sem, for now everything is still quiet on that front.

The way I got to know Jiani was even more championship; sth better not to be revealed here. Haha. I got to know her during the EID period during the Dec holidays. Everyday I would gladly go for EID with the hope of seeing her. Our first meeting (initially we r more of like virtual frens) was when she wants to take some notes from me and we had a short meeting at Suntec. She was working part-time at a pub at Tanjong Pagar that time, n various times I wanted to go check it out and see her but she wasn't really in favor of the idea. Towards the starting of sem, we actually planned our timetables to share some common classes. With that, I started the next sem full of hope.

Monday, January 16, 2006

NTU Love Story Year 1 Sem 2

I found renewed vigor during sem 2 of my 1st yr. Primary reason being: I now have a target. I started seeing Gillian, though not on a very regular basis. Sth like once every 2 weeks, or sometimes even in a month. Though I did not actually progress very far, I did start to get on the nerves of another suitor - Bamboo.

I remembered during on our 1st date, after the day's event n I was seeing her home, Bamboo made an unexpected appearance below her block. The conversation went like this:

Gillian : Hey, y r u here?
Bamboo: Cos I miss you mah.
Gillian: Blah blah blah
Bamboo: Blah blah blah
.
.
.
Bamboo (to me) : Thanks for sending her back.
Me (to myself) : Who the fuck r u to thank me for sending her back???

It gets worse as the sem goes along. There was once when we went out to watch "My Sassy Girl". The whole date was plagued by phonecalls from Bamboo, asking where she was, whether she can meet him cos he's feeling very dejected, etc. It gotten so bad that we gotta consider whether we shd buy an additional ticket just to have him here so that he can see Gillian n put his mind at ease. Weirdo !!! Not to forget the UK Funfair incident. He turned up unexpectedly, when I was supposed to be going with only Gillian and Xinyi. It was hard enough for me to make conversation that time, n his presence made it even worse.

When I went over to NUS to meet Gillian to study, he would purposely make himself in the vicinity, seat at nearvy tables, go for meals together, just wanting to be somewhere ard. Strange that I wasn't really bothered by him back then. Maybe I just felt that he wasn't much of a threat. But now as I blog, the tot of his actions made is making my blood boil! Just where in the world do u find such a loser??? Eventually, they fell out due to some dubious rumours that he supposedly started circulating.

Well, Part 2 of the Shiyi saga happened ard this time. Out of nowhere she suddenly asked if I wana study together for the coming exams. Later I found that she had just broken up with her bf as he had another gal. So we did studied together at her hall study room for a couple of times, and heading into the holidays, it seemed that I would have trouble on my hand.

But trouble it seemed, wanted no part of me. I did make it clear that Gillian was the gal I like, though I still go out with Shiyi more for companion purposes, as she has spent 4 lifeless yrs with her ex-bf n wasn't really close to many of her frens at that time. My dates with Gillian hit an all-time high during the holz. We went to Sentosa for the Sandsation exhibition, we went out for movies frequently, and it seemed as my birthday became imminent, I wanted to make it THE DAY - the day to pop the qn.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

NTU Love Story Year 1 Sem 1

When I look back upon my uni days, 1 thing that would always go down as a regret will be that I did not get a gf on campus thru my 4 years there. Maybe you might say Min is 1, but that was like a brief 1 sem where we were still not officially together. More like rendezvous. Haha. This entry is dedicated to my encounters with the female species during my 'eventful' 4 yrs in NTU.

I had not expect to meet many babes being in engineering fac. Had not even bothered to go for orientation camps, as I was too pre-occupied with Weiling and Val during that period prior to sch starting. I din not even feel like socialising much at that moment, still have too much hate in me. There is a class meeting on the 1st day of sch. The only gal that caught my eye in class was Yingying. And of coz Amelia as she became our class rep. The 2 of them happened to be the 2 most presentable gals in a class of 7 gals, inclusive of 2 butches. Marina is a babe as well, but she's a malay, so I shall put her out of the equation.

Some minor interuptions took place during the 1st few weeks of my Uni life, which made me paid lesser attention to the gals in sch. On my first Uni bash of NTU, I met Adeline. It was my birthday that nite. She was crush at first sight, I would say. I had not met anyone quite as beautiful before. It would seemed like a birthday wish come true if I could have her as a gf. The fiasco lasted a grant total of 2 weeks. I was with Eugene n Lewis at SOS the nite we met her. N I knew Eugene to be interested as well. Though he did not tell, I could sense that sth was going on. It was a really freaky experience.

I remember 1 particular incident. I had asked Lewis n Eugene to go catch a movie together but Eugene said he couldn't make it. I sense sth wrong. I purposely asked Lewis abt it to which he gave some excuse abt a army fren outing for Eugene. I sense sth even more wrong. I decided to give Adeline a call, to see if I would catch them unaware. She lied her way thru. But somehow I knew they were out together. I verified that 1 yr down the road. Lewis and Eugene both knew but kept it from me. In fact I was glad they did that, cos I might have gone bonkers had they let me knew it at that time. Not that I'm blaming anyone for it, just that for that moment I might not have taken it well n end up putting a scar on our frenship.

I did not know all that at that time, but I could sense Adeline's dis-interest as well. I went down to Westmall where she's working at Guardian Pharmacy to meet her a couple of times. The 1st time was quite ok, she agreed to go for a drink after her work. Subsequent times the response gotten more n more lukewarm. Despite the obvious hints, I still went on to tell her that I like her, which of coz was met with a rejection. My agression lessen after that, n it ends when I saw her by chance, together with a ah-beng-like creature whom she confirmed is her new bf.

Who would have guess Weiling would come popping back into my life at this period. We had ended on a very bad note previously, but in view of her imminent O levels, she was asking me to help her with her sch work. I can't reject, since she made a open request abt it. It would be too ungentlemanly to refuse her. Though this time I kept my distance, tried not to be too enthu abt her as I dun wan to end up playing a fool again. But that was how it ended up in the end still. A fool.

We met up to study a couple of times at nite after sch, either at Lot 1 or Holland V. I nv questioned her abt her status all the while, as I dun wan to know what's happening in her life.
I guess she was feeling vulnerable as well during that time, n we ended up liking each other for a very brief moment. For her, I've done quite some stupid things that probably ended up not appreciated. I wrote her a 500 word easy to tell her y i like her, in response to the most frequently asked qn for gals - "Why do you like me? " I jokingly asked if I shd write her an essay on that, when she kept asking me the qn. She jokingly agreed, but the eassy became real. I bought her a bouquet of flowers, a mango cake n 2 love deivls that she so liked that time, during her birthday and went to look for her beneath her block. I could tell she was touched, but I guess the feeling did not last long. She was back to her usual 'put aeroplanbe self' after a few days time. It ended when I finally realised she was just going thru a bad patch with her on and off bf at that time. Fooled again. This would not be the 1st time that a gal named Weiling fooled me with a guy named Eric. It would happen again years later, can't believe the freakiness of it.

Finally, end of my 'extra-marital' affairs outside NTU. Haha. All my distractions outside sch was over with, n my focus return to NTU naturally. Return to the gals that I hanged out with in sch.
Yingying is a very nice gal. We used to go home together after lessons as we were the only 2 person in our clique that stays off campus. My 1st sem clique revolves ard these 2 gals, plus some other guys Ronggui, Zhenyang, Mark mainly. We were together for the most of my 1st yr, until we streamed to MPE and EEE. Nothing special ever happened between us b4, though many mistook us to be a couple. She's just a very easy person to get along with, and partly cos I think I subconsciously prevent myself from stepping over the line as she has a bf all the while. I dun go for attached gals, that was my principle back then.

Once she told me sth her bf did during their courtship that made her feel touched. The guy called her to see how she's doing when she did not attend sch cos she was sick. A very simple gesture, but it means a lot to her. Then she actually did the same for me, when I was sick and did not go to sch during 1 of the EID days. She knew abt it thru Zhenyang n co. as she happened to bump into them in sch. That time we had already streamed to MPE and EEE. But the same nite, she called me n asked how I was doing. It made me feel so guilty as I wasn't really sick. I just told that to my EID grp as I was out clubbing the previous nite and simply too tired to go to sch the next day. We just talked briefly, as that time I had already lost the technique of phone conversations, all thanks to the wonders of modern technology which allows pple to chat online.

She was 1 of the fewer gals that I called or called me on a frequent basis. Sometimes during exam times, she would call just to complain abt being stressed. Though we sometimes joked abt being together, it was more of a pal-ly pal-ly feeling between us mostly.

Amelia wasn't really my cup of tea back then. She was a bit too angmoh for my liking at that time. A kandang as one would say. Well, time changes pple and now I no longer have preferences over kandangs n non-kandangs, (just not too extreme cases) but now we r more pals than anything. For the most part of our uni days, she also was attached, though now single n available. (heh heh... =P)

Din have much chance to know gals outside of class, except for lab lessons where we ususally combined with adjacent classes. That was where I noticed Shiyi. She is this cute petite gal with braces, more adorable than anything. Our initial pt of contacts were simply "Hi-s" and smiles whenever we passed by each other. I waited till the last day of papers, where I felt I simply got to do sth b4 the impending holidays when I wouldn't get to see her for 2 mths. She was always sitting a few seats away from me in the exam halls so i timed my exit at the end of the paper so as to catch her outside the hall. Can't remember exactly what I said to her when I met her outside. I think it was some shit like it's a tough paper or some crap. Then I just blurted out if I could have her number. She seem shocked but surprisingly, she just gave it to me. Hence I accomplished my mission on the last day of sch and was going to have a holiday where I could look forward to try to ask her out. Or so I tot....

At the start, her responses were cold. No replies, or single worded replies whenever I sms her. I could more or less sense her dis-interest, but I'm not gonna let up so easily. Till she put it blatantly that she has a bf, then did I let up. So after that I just took her to be a normal fren, as my principle still stands that time, and even if I wanted to try, I dun think it would get me anywhere except to bang wall. That was the end of her story. Or so I tot at that time....

The part 2 din come until next sem, during which in the Dec holidays I got to know a gal. She would go on to impact my life in a way no other gal has did since Min, for the next few yrs to come. Gillian.

Some history lesson. Thru Xinyi, whom we met at SOS on that fateful when we met Adeline, I got introduced to her other chio good fren. Gillian. After chatting online for a few mths, we agreed to meet up. It was a pretty uneventful first date, I was like a block of stone. I lost all my mojo at that time. No dating skills whatsoever. I guess that was what did me in eventually. But I did manage to hold on for a pretty long time. Nv since Sandy have I like someone for so long. We met during the Dec holidays, and the courtship took off in the next sem.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Some Feelings Never Die

It's been a whirlwind 2 weeks since my last trip to Shanghai, which coincide with my last entry as well. December is usually the most-awaited month, and it pass by just like that, with all the holidays and feative celebrations.

I remember my age-old saying, that weird things happen in December. Brings back the JC memories of 97 & 98. The same pple whom I proclaimed was most precious to me, prior to my enlistment. The class of 97S16. We did not keep together as a whole thru-out these yrs, but everytime we met up, the bonds nv seemed to have been broken. Been mixing ard with my JC mates slightly more regularly in December, thus invoking such feelings I guess.

Yiling, Shuling, Sandy, Eugene, Lewis & I gathered for a nite of board game fun at Eugene's Farrer place on Xmas eve. Next we attended James wedding on the 26th, and then there was the New Year Eve party at Zouk last nite, where Sandy, Candice, Yiling, Shuling Eugene & I went for. This is actually the 1st time that I clubbed with the class gals in a long while I guess, barring those miniscule pubbing nites at Samsara eons ago. It actually happened to be Shuling's 1st clubbing experience, from the looks of which I think she enjoyed herself quite a bit. =)

Work is taking up too much of my energy to really pursue my love life. I just could not gather the energy to be initiative, to ask gals out, to try to make sth happen. It might be so far there's no gal who has a pronounced effect on me to want it happen so bad. So I've just been passively moving along, taking a chance at what might come my way. But this is not the way I want things to be, I prefer to choose what I want, who I want. I don't want to compromise no more.

At the same time, some feelings never really die. I think Min will be in my heart for the rest of my life. I truely believe we were meant to be together, had we not been so stubborn, so wilful in our youth. We did not cherish each other, but she lives on in my mind forever.

I was on Gillian's frenster site and saw she posted the pic we took together at her convocation with Xinyi. I dun know what that meant. She is supposed to be disgusted with me. It might not mean anything after all. She was another 2nd chance which I had blown. It might have been for the better, cos till now I'm still not very convinced we might be compatible. I used to not believe in character clashes until I met her.

Another feeling that did not die. I always tot it did, but apparently it resurfaced. Well, it happened ages ago, and this one I'm pretty sure there wun be any 2nd chance. There wasn't any 1st chance to begin with. I dun even wan to mention names, it might cause too much controversy.

Some feelings did die anyway, and I'm glad that they died. I met up with Princess 2 weeks ago. It was an impromptu idea, when we chatted online during my overtime. We met up and went for dinner at Bishan for sushi. I dun feel much for her anymore. Looking back, it seemed dumb how I could have been so distraught over it all last yr.